I have never blogged before so I am not exactly sure how this whole thing works ... however, I know that I need to get my thoughts out and sometimes I find it best not to share them out loud.
I will start by telling you a little bit about myself. I am in a relationship with an amazing man. He is great and Im sure over time I will share so much more about him! For now what you need to know is that he is previously married and has two young boys from his first marriage. The boys are great! I was fortunate enough to spend the summer with them and their daddy and I fell even more in love. This time with three guys! My "soon to be" husband and the boys. The downside is ... now my heart is in it!
I have never been in a situation like this before and I guess I am just looking for some answers. None of my friends have experienced anything similar to this situation and therefore sometimes I just don't know where to turn for answers.
Soon to be's ex wife (the boys mother) will be called BM (biological mother from what I gather from reading other sites?!?!). BM isn't a fan of me from what I gather. Nothing to do with me or soon to be I am guessing she also isn't exactly sure how to deal with the possibility of another woman in their life. At this point in time we do not have a relationship (long complicated story ... just can't happen right now). I do desperately hope that we can develop a relationship ... dare I even say a friendship! Is this just a hope that all "second wives" have when first getting involved in a ready made family?
Truth is, I still question sometimes if he will go back to her, if he still loves her, if he will ever be able to fill his heart with me. I know these are things I need to get over and somehow I just haven't (granted it's only been a year so I figure I have time). The point is I feel extremely guilty for having these feelings! I feel like Im wrong but the more I analyze it (or over-analyze it!) I can't help but think these feelings are natural. Right???
I have no idea what role I will play in the lives of the boys. I want to be there for them. I want to be the perfect stepmother and the perfect second wife. Is there some recipe out there that I just haven't found yet? I feel that I should add ... my soon to be be is overseas for another year and until he is back home Im pretty much at a stand still with the kids and the whole 9 yards.
My hope is that this blog will help me to find the answers I need. The problem isn't that I can't talk to my soon to be ... but rather that I know he misses his boys very much while he is away and I feel guilty for "complaining" to him that I miss his boys.
I know the life that I am signing up for and at the end of the day I wouldn't change a thing ... I know it will have its ups and downs. I know it will be difficult from time to time and I am sure that there are things in store for me that even my wildest imagination couldn't bring to light. However, I know that God brought my soon to be into my life when he did for a reason. We fit perfectly together and together we can make it through anything. He is a blessing and I am thankful everyday that we get to share our lives together!
